Bullying it stops when you grow up

This is probably the most personal blog I have ever written, so if you are looking for light and fluffy, or honey-badger don’t care, this ain’t it.

I am an expert in bullying. I went to Catholic school, and if you didn’t know this, well catholic school girls wrote the book on bullying. I wasn’t a “fat” kid, I was pretty normal. I had a layer of baby fat but other then that, normal kid. I spent most of my childhood believing I was ugly and obese. One of the only memories from school that I have (I believe I lack memories as self preservation) is one Halloween. Veronica Gonzales was passing out candies and she skipped my desk, I said “hey, you skipped me” and she said “yeah, it’s not like you need it”. This is just a mild taste of my everyday from fourth thru eighth grade. In fifth grade a nun told me I was too “heavy” to dance in the Christmas recital. I spent the next four years binge eating and starving. I am not sure I have ever gotten over the bullying from my youth.

When you are a kid you can’t wait to grow up. You think adults don’t judge each other the way children do; when you’re an adult, being cool doesn’t matter and you’re judged, not by the superficial parameters of children, but only by the quality of your work. Sadly this is not the case.

I was let go last week. Some would say that my deep rooted insecurities have gotten the better of me. I have heard the owner of the company I worked for discuss interviews of potential candidates, I have heard her say things like,” but she was so old” to “oh my god did you see what she wore to the interview” When I first interviewed I came home and told Gordon there was no way I was getting this job. All of the girls in the office looked the same, dressed the same, I did not look like them. I did not, in fact, get the job, she hired someone else. When that someone else didn’t work out I got the job then. This place was pretty booshy boshy, and I worked hard to fit in, hair and full on Vegas make up every day. I worked to my fullest potential had a great 60 day review and was fired shortly there after. I was given the reason that I was not a “team player”. People who aren’t team players don’t work 14 hour days, they don’t train new hires and they don’t bring breakfast for the office before morning meetings.

I was never put on the Facebook page. I was the only employee in our office who wasn’t on the Facebook page. They are actually in the process of taking new pictures of the entire staff and lets not forget the Christmas cards. Maybe my husband is right, maybe I am too sensitive. There are other reasons I believe my appearance played a role but I am too upset to talk about it right now.

Deep down I know I was fired because I do not project the “image” that the owner wants for that office, I don’t think I was hired with longevity in mind, but maybe just a seat warmer. We all know that thin hot girls lease more houses. But thank God we are adults now!

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